I'm going to let you in on a little secret I have discovered
in the past few years. (Let's say I came to this realization on October 8th,
2014.. Yeah, that sounds good). It's been working for me. It may not work for
you, but I'll tell you it definitely will not hurt you to try it. And try you
will have to! This practice takes some effort on your part, so if you aren't
serious about it, then you can continue on your path and hope one day you don't
look back and wonder if you should have tried this. It's an age old practice:
The key to happiness you are searching for is within you. Hear me out.
Your subconscious mind is a very malleable and delicate
sponge that absorbs everything you've ever consumed. Every article of
information, every song, every good or bad word, every movie scene, every act
of violence or benevolence witnessed, every advertisement. Everything! You
conscious mind isn't aware of this happening and simply writes things off most
of the time. Now over time, your mind has been formed by external factors you
have had no control over. This can create loads of problems: Anxiety,
depression, self-doubt, lack of confidence, apathy, hate, disgust, masochism,
bad habits, etc. Majority of people will display and project happiness on the
surface but their minds are going haywire or they develop these masochistic
tendencies to cope with these external factors that bring them down (I have
been here). The habits cover up the underlying problem for the time being but
it is merely like adding fuel to the perpetual flame.
Enough with fear mongering, what about the good news? There
is plenty! This is exactly where you start. At first this will be uncomfortable
and you will want to relapse on the negativity your mind has allowed to curate through
external factors but remember your mind is completely malleable and it takes
persistence and repetition to change it for the better. Like any great thing,
this will take effort and work and this is why majority of people simply let
the negativity happen to them. Imagine that, because a few years ago I really
could not imagine that, I thought happiness would just happen. But as time went
on, it didn't. Things just get worse until you tell your mind you have had
enough and you want change (and mean it). I will lay out a few tips that have
worked and continue to work for me. You will need to start slow, and as you
gain momentum, you can increase how often you do these things.
1. Sit down and think of your life goals and how you want to
get there:
This is tip 1 for a
reason, without a plan, how can you expect to get to your destination? Through
going with the flow and wandering aimlessly? Get real. If I had been mature and
honest with myself to implement this at the age of 20, I'd be further ahead
than I am now, but you can start today! Focus on goals for the roles in your
life: Family member, employee, friend, spouse, business owner, parent,
community organizer, etc. Determine where you see yourself going with those
(and why), and how you will get there.
2. Be Proactive:
Your mind wants to be productive (in good ways and bad). By
staying active and forcing yourself to start doing any good habit, you will
develop new synapses that induce learning capabilities. You will feel
discomfort at first but refer back to your goals as often as possible and
remind yourself WHY you're making a change. It's easy to go back on a good
habit when you don't have an important 'why' clearly stated.
3. Meditate:
I used to think people who practiced meditation were cuckoo.
I never understood it or why they did it. Even though I've always over analyzed
every situation in my life. Then one day I tried it, thought it was dumb. After
reading more about it, I decided to do it more and stick with it. It has had a
phenomenal effect. My mind is more clear for when I need to focus on anything
important. I am less anxious. I am present. I am more calm in tense situations.
It is relaxing! Frankly, I am happier too. Start with this: Download an app
(free); (Headspace is where I started), follow the simple instructions, but
remember the only goal is to not focus on thoughts, but focus on the moment
(your breath, the sounds around you, your body, physical feelings) instead. It
will get easier with practice. By doing this, you get your wandering mind a
break from over thinking and over analyzing and it will love you for it.
4. Write, read, feed:
Start a journal, get your thoughts out on paper so they
don't build inside your mind. How else do you expect to know what you did
yesterday so you can improve upon it today? If you are like me at all, you
don't share as much personal info about yourself to others (even though you
know you should), so the next best thing is writing your thoughts down to let
them out. Read as much as possible. By feeding your mind you gain knowledge and
put your thoughts to work on things other than negativity or being
unproductive. Feed; basically you need to eat better. It is so easy to eat
poorly and consume the addictive sugar and caffeine. Your mind believes it
needs the poor nutrition items thanks to negative advertisement telling it to
consume them since you were a child. Of course, it is okay to indulge
periodically, but moderation is key.
5. Be conscious of your habits:
It is very easy to simply let your habits rule you instead
of the other way around. Simply by being aware of what you are doing will help
you make some changes for the better.
6. Indulge in healthy things you love:
Exercise, hike, outdoors, nature, take pictures (not too
many selfies), sports, socializing, eat healthy, seeing family and friends,
traveling, learning, reading, writing, meditating, creating, talking, fishing.
All good things!
7. Perform positive affirmations:
Last but not least. This is key. Your mind has been
bombarded by negativity and it will perpetuate what it is told if not stopped
by you. Write down and say out loud positive affirmations daily/weekly. Things
like "I am a strong individual who will succeed in my goals", "I
am mentally and physically healthy and happy", or what you envision
yourself to be. Within reason, you are only as strong as your worst thoughts.
Whether you believe you can or can't, you are right! Saying positive
affirmations will help instill a positive mindset and change your subconscious
mind to help you curate a life you want to live. This step is incredibly
important for internal harmony. If nothing else, at least try this one every
day that you remember to do so.
-
I am still developing new good habits and I've realized how
easy it is to not try and become a better person. Lethargy is easy, but is it
worth it in the long run? I know I don't want to look back and have more
"I wish I had" regrets than "I'm glad I did" statements.
Now I don't guarantee happiness for anyone. But by taking a few consistent
steps in a positive direction and balancing out the negative, you can certainly
guarantee yourself you will feel better. It will not happen overnight and it
will take time. Just start slow and consistent and you will see major strides.
You might even have more fun focusing on developing than you ever thought you
could.
One last thing. When you start this, you will immediately
notice people telling you that you've changed or something is wrong with you.
They will notice you are being more positive and trying to line your life up in
a way that best suits your goals and they may distance themselves from you or
project their problems onto you. Ignore this, or inform them on what you are
actually doing if you really care about them. You need to find like-minded
people who think like you and by simply thinking more positively, you will
attract those people into your life and you flush out those who are not. Once
you think more positively, you will truly wish the best for everyone, even if
they do not wish the same for you. Good luck! I believe in you.
