Living Abroad Will Change You

We all change as we go through this life. 

We are constantly being molded into a new being as time goes on. The person we were last year is different from the person we are now, and who we will be in a year's time. We are the summation of every day we live, every circumstance we go through, every challenge we face, every moment we experience. We are the epitome of every thought that enters our minds, the food that enters our body, and chemicals that reach our blood. We essentially become what we allow ourselves to do throughout time. There are external factors, but nothing and no one can force you to eat one thing or think one way. You decide your reactions and thoughts and you complete your actions. Once this responsibility is realized, you can begin taking initiative in life and excuses come less often. You can either choose to focus on your worries and should've or could've been's, or you can focus on each moment as it comes and be happier for it. As of right now, there is no past or future, there is only this moment that we have. Don't let your mind run away with your moment.

I have changed.

7 months abroad so far. I feel as if nothing and everything has changed about my life. I still have another 8 months of living in Germany to go and I know there is A LOT of room for growth. I have come to realize that the process is my destination and I will never quit trying to become a better person. Some would say this is due to dissatisfaction with life, but I see it as a passion of being in love with the process of my life. In the words of Matthew McConaughey, "My idol is me 10 years from now, and in 10 years from now, my idol will be me 10 years from then." I am a work in progress. Always. As long as I continue advancing myself without remaining stagnant then I will consider myself a success and that mindset will perpetuate my ability to continue advancing in life. You may think I am too serious about this life that inevitably ends, but it's all I have so I will make the best of it by enjoying each moment of getting better.

This acceptance speech is always a good reminder to keep it moving forward.

Some lessons I have learned:

1. Recent loss - 

Recently I lost the support of a majorly significant person in my life, and I never realized how much I cherished that support from her until I lost it completely. On the flip side, if it was meant to work out with her then I would not have left her back in the states and she would not have quit talking to me while I am here. I was feeling completely sorry for myself for a while until I realized that I do not have time to do that. I fell off of my meditation during this time and my negative thoughts carried my emotions off onto a rollercoaster ride dreamed up by Hades. I eventually came to my senses and remembered my meditations and realized what is will be and I have this moment. I am better than that. I have always cared a lot about that woman but I have done very little to prove it and I now believe this is truly an opportunity for her to move on and be happy away from me. This is the least I can do if I could never be there for her. One day, sooner or later, we will both find someone who will make us realize why it never worked in the first place. All I know now is that my future wife better be up for some extreme adventures or we are doomed.

2. Lost in Thought - 

I have been better about mindfulness lately. I have been practicing almost religiously. I used to find myself lost in thought for a long time thinking about who knows what from the moment I wake up until sleep that night, only to start the cycle over again the next day. I was not truly enjoying any moments because my thoughts were consuming my time. These small thoughts might start my day off "on the wrong side of the bed", and I would be in a mood because of it. I have began curiously noting my thoughts from the moment I wake up in order to file thoughts and feelings into categories that help me understand why I am thinking that, then I can move on from the thought and carry on with my day. I have realized I am much more relaxed when I do this, I am mindful to the moment, and I am overall slightly happier because the worries no longer consume me. It has not been easy and it has taken a lot of practice, but it is paying off tremendously.

3. Goal or Relationship Oriented - 

This is a tough lesson to learn. I have always had goals in my life, but I didn't realize how much I lean on the support of the relationships I have developed. That whole not knowing what you have until it is gone quote is a real thing when you deprive yourself for months. I truly care about my friends and family more than anyone or anything in my life, and if I do not have them then I do not have anything and my goals do not matter. I understand that I would like to be close to them (at least, you know, a plane ride away), and being away has helped me realize I can accomplish my goals while focusing on the relationships I have always taken for granted.

4. Time Spent Alone - 

I am slightly older than the median age here. I have done what majority of people are doing here and most people believe they need a big group of friends. I used to think this as well. But now I know I have no one to impress but myself and the ones I truly care about. I spend a lot of time reading, writing, hiking, and doing things on my own and it helps me consider what I truly feel passionate about. I know I love to travel and I would really like to help those in need. I have discovered something I can do to incorporate both of these foundational needs into a passion, and the best part is I can pursue this venture on my own back home in Kansas City when I return. I have been working on it in my spare time to get things squared away. I am very excited about this!

5. Traveling is Cool, but... - 

Traveling is a huge part of my life. I believe it helps people develop new synapses in the brain that allow for more learning. I believe experiencing new cultures and trying to learn a new language is a challenge that everyone should give a chance at some point. I believe the only way people are going to truly be less scared of the world and the news they consume online is to get out of their comfort zone and talk to their neighbor in a different country and realize that the world is not as bad of a place as one may think. Quite the opposite. Travel is cool in so many ways, but it's not as enjoyable unless you are doing it with people you know or care about. This goes back to goal/relationship oriented. Don't get me wrong, I love traveling solo- I learn so much about myself and I meet so many amazing people I never would have got the chance to meet. While solo travel is nice, I thoroughly miss the enjoyment of going somewhere new with someone I already know, it helps me learn more about that person and the walls come down even further. Also, being the travel agent of my friends, it allows me to satisfy them with my awesome logistical planning skills (ha ha). Either way, travel is cool, it's just a preference as to what you want to experience while you do it.

These are a just a few lessons I have learned in a short amount of time and the growth is exponential in this environment of being away from comfort. I understand my mindset is constantly changing, molding, and adapting into the person I want to be. This experience is humbling me. I am enjoying the rest of it and accomplishing my goals, but I am making less selfish plans that will last the rest of my life.

Oh, I hope you all are ready for my next post. It is all about where I have been and what I have done so far during this chapter in life. If you don't like being jealous, then I would skip it :D

When You Are Missing Home

I never thought I would miss home this much. I am completely homesick and I cannot seem to get it out of my mind. I constantly imagine how things are going back home, I wonder how my friends are doing in their careers, I wonder what's new within my city, I miss the food, and I haven't hugged my mom in over 5 months- and most likely will not get to for at least another 10 months. I am completely out of my element and it is difficult to focus on things I love to do- like traveling and writing.

The homesickness is causing a slight depression and I have been in a little down funk for a few weeks now. I am trying to stay as focused as possible, but often times, I revert back to thinking about things I cannot control. I have been doing so well with meditation, working out, journaling, positive affirmations, doing things I love to do, but I would just really like to chow down on an OG 24 wrap from Longboards, or go grill out before a Royal's game, or ride the street car around and hit up a First Friday's.

I know some people back home will just say I am not missing very much, but it's easier to feel like I am when I am 4000+ miles away. People are getting married, doing well in their careers, moving along in life. Don't get me wrong, I love the traveling bit and seeing parts of the world I probably never would have if I didn't take this opportunity, but I have come to realize the type of person I am in these past 5 months. I have grown a lot already, and have a lot of room for more improvement, but I also want to be able to grow relationships I have with friends and family- the art of accomplishing both is in the balancing act.

I seem to always focus on things I don't have, instead of things I do, which is something I have been attempting to change. I write down things I am grateful for, I remind myself how lucky I am, I try to smile when I really don't want to because I have way more to smile for than I have to frown about.

While writing this, I have had an epiphany. All of these negative and sad emotions I have been having are for a reason. I clearly miss where I am from and everything it provides. I have left my heart in KC and I will be back one day, but that day is not today, nor tomorrow. I can either sulk in the fact I am missing home, or I can use this time as opportunity for growth. I can remain down and bitter and let my homesickness spiral me down to the point of making very poor decisions, or I can continue to learn and progress and smash some life goals of mine. Without self awareness, the former would be the easier path in the short term, but long term it would destroy my psyche, and ain't nobody got time for dat.

Here are some things you can focus on if you are ever feeling homesick:

1. Yourself: We all have goals and plans for our lives, never forget them. Focus on them and why you are away from home. It is for a reason. You might not always feel like working on your goals due to feeling down, but building the momentum and continuing to focus on your goals will allow you to work your way out of the funk you are in.

2. Writing and meditation: You all know I am a big fan of these two and I will push them to the day I die. They help your mind relax by clearing itself, and then you can relax and have less anxiety about any given situation. For example, I already feel slightly better just because I am putting built up thoughts on paper and sharing it with you. You don't write? Try painting, drawing, playing an instrument, or anything that will allow you put some emotional expression on paper.

3. Let your emotions out when they happen: This one is mainly for my fella's out there. Don't hold back your emotions for some macho reason. That is plain dumb. If you are feeling sad, cry. Let it out. Don't feel like crying but you are sad? Watch a sad really sad movie alone and let the water works flow. It really can help you overcome anything you are uneasy about. Oh, and here's more on why you should cry instead of repressing emotions: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/11884611/Why-men-need-to-learn-how-to-cry.html

4. Break a sweat: Get in the gym and workout. Or just walk somewhere for a while. Release some endorphins and your body will help relax your mind for you.

5. Talk. To. People: Even introverts are social beings. You have someone who cares about you. Talk to them. If you think no one cares about you, talk to a stranger and share some common interests and if you get into a deeper conversation then share how you miss home, they could potentially have some insight into your situation. Just don't do it in a weird uncontrollable way. Talk to family back home- mainly so when you tell them you are homesick, they can tell you that you aren't missing anything and you can be reassured of your decision.

6. Cut out the stimulants for a bit: The alcohol, caffeine, drugs, social media, etc., it is all changing the way your brain functions and how your mind views things. You may feel great while doing it and you are no longer homesick at the time, but it is a roller coaster for your emotions and will only perpetuate the period of feeling down. Or you know, just stay perpetually drunk and you will be just fine as well!

All of these are things I am attempting to do while feeling this period of homesickness. I understand it is a phase and it will pass, but I also need to understand it is happening for a reason. I miss you and love you KC and I will be home soon, but I have some things to accomplish first.

Ireland in a Wee Nutshell

My love for Ireland:

Imagine you are a wee lad, or lass, waking up on Christmas Day. You are greeted with your ultimate favorite breakfast that contains eggs, hash browns, french toast (on texas toast) with fruit, homemade waffles, pancakes, and maple bacon. Then you look under the tree and you notice 5x the amount of gifts than you asked for. You start opening them and realize they're everything you asked for and more! We are talking the original game that was requested and every expansion pack you could imagine. Every video game system. Every movie you've ever liked. All the candy you love. Also, there are things you can use for hobbies you will develop into the near and distant future. You have enough stuff to play with and keep you entertained for several lifetimes. When you finish unwrapping, you realize you have so many toys and you don't know where to start. You also realize you probably don't have enough time as a kid to play with all of your toys, and that is the only frustrating thing you notice about the day, then you spend the rest of the week playing with one awesome new toy and it's the best week ever.

Sheep and Hiking

You could say, that me in Ireland is the equivalent to Charlie in the chocolate factory, only the chocolate factory is filled with great scenes, beautiful women with wonderful banter and great accents, delicious beer, and sweet castles.

That is how I feel about Ireland.

Ireland is something else. Something beyond words. It is a mystical feeling of eternal bliss. Happiness is a not a wave to be ridden, but instead a tsunami that floods the entire land. I always longed to go back after my first appearance in 2015, after returning in 2017, I have solidified my visceral love for the Emerald Isle. One need not ask why, instead just go see for yourself.

A few things to note about Ireland:

1. The people are beyond amazing:

Go to a pub, sit down, wait. Eventually you will run into an Irishman or they will bump into you. You will begin talking about anything. They don't mind small talk, or jumping into a deep political discussion about the current state. You may get into a conversation about how funny each other's accents are, or why Ireland uses counties and not States like the USA. Although, anywhere you go, you will get some assholes who just don't want you to be there. I have heard a few of my friends say that while they were there, an Irish local (clearly intoxicated) said something rude do to the fact that they were American. I have yet to run into an experience like this yet and I have talked to countless Irish locals. My experience is that they want to be your friend, and they truly have the "gift of gab"*. Most of them want to help you find your way if you look the least bit lost. They will ask where you're from and will most likely know one small fact about it (I met a pair of Irish lads who asked where I was from and then they laughed at me and said they couldn't point out "Missooouuri" on a map, this made me laugh as well). They have a banter about their conversations that is hard to keep up with if you get offended easily because they are witty, but they go about it in a suave way that will have you laughing when they make fun of you. It is quite a gift.

(*The Gift of Gab is a folktale. It is believed you will be blessed with the "gift of gab" if you kiss the Blarney Stone... Or it was made up to attract unknowing tourists to come and spend their money. This is one of the most visited attractions in Ireland, they have done a good job on marketing!)

2. Only 10% of Irish locals live in Dublin:

Dawn in Cork, Ireland

Dublin is essentially a tourist destination for partying. I was talking to a middle aged guy named Steven from Limerick and he said that very few local Irish people live in Dublin. If they are Irish, they are most likely just students, but most Irish people have moved, or live in other major cities. Steven also said that if he sees Irish people drinking Guinness, then he assumes they're from Dublin (take this for what you will lol). I definitely recommend exploring Dublin because it is an awesome little city. There is lots of history, the Guinness experience, the Jameson distillery, and plenty of pubs for you to get lost in, but if you want to be engulfed in some true Irish culture, then venture on!

Hiking Through the Gap of Dunloe

3. And venture on you must!:

There is so much to explore in Ireland, it is hard to say any one thing is better than the other because it is all extremely beautiful. In no particular order:

The Ring of Kerry in Killarney: This is a scenic drive around the Southwest coast of Ireland that has many stops along the way which provide amazing views and local culture to see. This is a must.

Killarney National Park: Holds their tallest mountain: Carrauntoohil, the Ross Castle, and Muckross Lake, and you can begin or end the Ring of Kerry here.

Kylemore Abbey

Connemara National Park: A beautiful hilly park in western Ireland which has a stunning view at the top of Diamond Hill that overlooks Letterfrack and the Atlantic ocean. The Kylemore Abbey is on the outside of Connemara.

Just a small piece of awesome in Connemara National Park

The Cliffs of Moher: If there was a geologic location that metaphorically embodies the country of Ireland, it is the Cliffs. This place is another must see. Try to go on a day with limited fog, otherwise you will get unlucky and only be able to see 20 feet in front of you.

Errigal Mountain, Aasleagh Falls, Giant's Causeway, Aran Islands, Bog Lake, Poulnabourne Dolmen, Beara Peninsula, the list goes on!

Ireland is an outdoors lover's dream. If you like to explore, you will never be disappointed with the plethora of adventure options in Ireland. You may get tired of the rain, which usually moves in and out several times throughout the day. But, you will remember this rain gives the Emerald Isle it's name and is most likely the reason people are in phenomenal moods when the sun is shining! Ireland is a great destination for anyone to visit at least once in their lives, but if you're anything like me, there isn't enough time left to fully enjoy the entire country. Adventure on!